Facts on Funerals

Funerals are like weddings. They last a few hours, yet you can end up still paying for them a decade later.

I honestly don’t get the expensive funeral thing. A while back a high school acquaintance with one child and another on its way told me how financially difficult it was to bury his mother. “There was hardly any money left.” I couldn’t scream at him, “You have kids and you put all your money in the ground! Are you nuts?” Instead I settled for, “Sorry about your loss. I have a coupon for a #7, no mayo, diet Pepsi.”

Seriously, I don’t agree with the costly funeral = love equation. I feel your loved ones wouldn’t want you to become a ramen noodle eating studio apartment dweller because you picked the metal casket over direct cremation. Or, better yet, they’d rather you’d have spent the money on them when they were alive to enjoy it. Imagine if you gave everyone a choice between the following:

a) 10 seven-day cruises
b) Trips to the Super Bowl, Final Four, NBA championship and World Series
c) 100 “Kat’s Meows” specials---foot and hand rescues with a full body massage
d) Enjoying a bathroom makeover for 2 years+
e) A $10,000 funeral

Can you really see anyone saying, “Forget cruising to Greece, I’d much rather have a pricy funeral!” Of course not. So why do we often get caught in the expensive funeral trap?

Sure, it’s hard to digest that few of us will have the Michael Jackson service complete with a gold casket in the Staples Center, Jennifer Hudson singing, and the productivity level in California dropping to negative 3 because everyone views your memorial as a free concert in the middle of the work week. (Planners, why didn’t you put it on Furlough Friday?) But spending a huge chunk of your savings on someone’s funeral doesn’t tell the world, “I really loved this person.” Instead, it says, “Guess the kids won’t be going to college after all.”



If you really love your family, show them by fully planning your funeral and estate. Yes, it sounds horrible. Not quite as horrible as having the DMV place our real weight on our licenses, but horrible none the less. Still, the alternative is your family being forced to sell the house because the funeral director convinced your spouse a marble headstone is, “What Casey would have really wanted,” and shushing the person who says, “I think Casey would have really wanted to still be alive!”

For information on how to plan a funeral, come to Central’s Facts on Funerals program on Wednesday, April 7th at 12 noon.

Tax Time

Doing my taxes is not high on my list of fun things to do during my lunch hour, but I always remind myself of the following:

---Taxes pay for things.
---When my street light goes out, I don’t have to pick up a bulb from Lowes and shimmy up a pole.
---When the fire department comes out for a fire, you don’t have to cut them a check.
---Clean water comes out of my tap without me having to tell anyone, “Hey, I want clean water!”
---The police have yet to charge me for when I call them on the neighbors and they have to bring out 5 squad cars and a helicopter. (On a related note, does anyone have a house in a nice neighborhood I can buy? Or a nice guy I can marry who lives in said house? It’s okay if he’s on his death bed…)
---$10,000 per year for private school ($130,000 for K-12 education) vs. $0 for public school. (Top that!)
---When something goes wrong in the government I can actually reach a representative. (Or, as one put it, "It's you again!")
---Amtrak’s Capital Corridor is the best trip ever!
---Cal Grant and Pell Grant were very good to me.
---While UPS and Fed Ex wanted $66 and $72 to ship my box to Hawaii, USPS only wanted $20. (No wonder they’re going broke!)

Plus:
---Taxes support libraries.
---I like having a job.
---Libraries are warm in the winter and cool in the summer. (Or, in Kids’ Place, it’s sweater weather in the summer and bikini season in the winter.)
---Having a job and healthcare is a good thing.
---We have DVDs you can borrow for free.
---Having a paycheck means I can pay for incidentals such as food, clothes and a roof over my head.

Remember, there are a few things you don’t want to mess with in life, and IRS is at the top of the list. If you haven’t filed your taxes yet and you made under $58,000 last year, you can file both your state and federal taxes for free!!! Go to the Beehive to do so.



Tax time, too, shall pass.

Teddy Pendergrass, 1950-2010

When I was a child I did not listen to traditional children’s music, meaning my mother didn’t lose her sanity and I learned that “real” music didn’t revolve around the wheels on the bus, giant yellow animals or purple dinosaurs. Most of the time I’d listen to the Staple Singers, The Pointer Sisters, Bob James, David Sanborn (you must buy their Double Vision album!) Luther Vandross, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, Kenny G, Sam Cooke, Stevie Wonder, and a whole host of other artist, which, of course, included Teddy Pendergrass.

Pendergrass began singing at the age of 2, which makes everyone else look like slackers, now doesn't it? He was originally part of Harold Melvin & the Blue Notes. Surely no one forget If You Don’t Know Me By Now. His career was altered drastically following a car accident in 1982 that paralyzed him from the waist down. This accident spurred him to create the Teddy Pendergrass Alliance, an organization that assists individuals with spinal cord injuries “to achieve their maximum potential in areas of education, employment, housing, productivity and overall independence.” He’d continue to perform, releasing new material into the late 1990s, and received a Grammy nomination in 1989 for his song "Joy," yet it was his early music that still resounds with people today. My favorite song of his happens to be Love TKO. Please take a moment to enjoy and remember Pendegrass's life.

Resolutions 2.010

Practically speaking, the most wonderful time of the year is not Christmas: it’s December 26-31. Christmas is over, the relatives have (thankfully) left, the after Christmas clearance bliss has begun , and New Years is right around the corner. New Year’s Day requires no planning whatsoever. You either go to some sort of religious ceremony which involves candle lighting (nothing says Happy New Year quite like accidentally setting something on fire!) or you buy alcohol and order pizza/Chinese food.

I prefer Chinese.

But somewhere around your 80th chicken pot sticker/12th slice of pizza, you remember something. Something nagging at the back of your brain…

It’s time for your resolutions.

Didn’t you say something about losing weight last year? And weren’t you supposed to stop smoking years ago when they made it practically illegal to smoke unless it was in your closet, and that was only if you owned your home outright?

How depressing.

For those of you who need a little push in the right direction, check out our display in Central Express. Need to get organized? (I’ve been told shoving everything into a sack and tossing it into a closet doesn’t count, but that's never stopped me from getting out the Glad bags.) Pick up a book on straightening up your house for good. Want to burn off some extra calories? Grab an exercise video. Or maybe you just need to pick up a good book because you swore you would read a book in 2010 that didn’t feature vampires.

Believe it or not, we do have such books on the shelf. So feel free to borrow a few.

Happy New Year!

Christmas in Holis

I was hoping I could all the staff together to sing this song. However, that didn’t happen. So I guess I’ll have to settle for the Run D.M.C. original.



There's always next year...

Stressed Out?

There are times when I get just a little stressed out. I think it's a combination of no one listening to my instructions to use their indoor voices, and getting sad that I am over 30 yet I still don't have the money to buy an island home in Sweden. (Maybe if I put it on my New Year's Resolution List it will happen, LOL.) Instead of sinking into depression, I either go to YouTube and type in puppies, or to make a visit to Cute Overload. For some reason, no matter how many times I see this video it makes me happy. Enjoy.

I'm Thankful for Cake Box Mixes

Here is my two-cents on how main chefs/chief bottle washers/indentured servants can get through Thanksgiving unscathed: Don’t cook.

Cooking for the holidays is overrated. Whenever I hear someone say, “Oh, I love home cooked meals!” I translate it to mean, “Oh, I love when someone else cooks while I watch football and pretend to be too tired from eating to do anything that might resemble actual work!” Last year, after being drafted to cook the turkey at the last minute, I found myself still up at 3 am, said turkey transferred to an oversized plastic Macy’s bag as I tried to pry the neck out of the frozen carcass to get to the giblet package. Meanwhile my (useless) teenage nephew proclaimed from the family room, “I’ve never heard you curse before!”

Sometimes it’s all I can do not to brain someone with a can of cranberry sauce.

This year I decided to do something low key. I asked to dine at a restaurant, followed by dessert at our house. The way my relatives reacted one would have thought I’d asked if I could serve popsicles for dinner. They revolted. In turn, I refused to cook anything big. I don’t care how much food I have sitting around the house; it’s not like the Keebler Elves are showing up to put everything together. Someone asked, “Aren’t you going to use your apples to make apple pie?” To which I responded, “Why would I do that?” Let me see, I could buy two Mrs. Smith’s apple crumb pies for $7 or I could spend four hours and $15 in extra ingredients to make something from scratch. Gee, my poor brain is simply overwhelmed figuring out which one I’m going to do…
To please everyone, I’m bringing an apple crumb pie (the other will never make it out of the kitchen) along with an easy to fix yet highly impressive semi-homemade item. I love Sandra Lee, and it’s not just because she insists on having cocktail time even when she’s setting up a kids’ party. It’s because she also doesn’t see a reason to be chained in a kitchen. Another favorite of mine is Anne Byrn, the author of the Cake Mix Doctor series. Take a regular cake mix, throw in something you already have in your pantry, and presto! Instant good impression. Remember, if it takes more than 15 minutes to throw a dish together, it’s probably not worth the bother. Should it be too late to check out a library book, go to All Recipes for shortcut ideas. So for those of you who normally cook, take a break this year. If someone complains, offer to make them toast and popcorn the next time around.

Costumes Galore!

I found a Halloween costume!

This may not sound like a big deal for some of you, i.e., children and men. This is because costume designers have decided anyone under yea tall and/or with XY chromosomes may have all the fabric you want because, hey, it’s not like they’re using much on the women’s costumes. Every outfit I found either had a skirt cut to high heaven, a top so low you can see your navel, it was see-through, or a combination of the three. Which is fine...in the summer time! Do designers mistakenly believe Halloween happens in July? Apparently none of them has ever gone to Wunderground and discovered October is a fairly cold month.

And they're expensive! These almost non-existent outfits are like condos---they seem cheap until you add in all those hidden accessories such as the tail and the ears and the $261 HOA fee. I thought I’d go crazy (or crazier) when I finally found something. But for those who have not been fortunate enough to find a costume, have you thought about making one? I’m not talking about dragging out the sewing machine and buying a truckload of fabric. I’m talking about something simple.

Like decorating a paper bag.

What Can You Do With a Paper Bag? Apparently plenty. You can make hats and caps, accessories and costumes. Paper bags are great! They’re easy to get, and they’re affordable. After all, you had to buy groceries anyway. Just remember to ask for paper the next time you’re in the store.

For all the other people who think making an outfit at the last minutes sounds a bit daunting, do what I did---go to Claire's. I'm sure there's a few set of wings left on the rack.

Sacramento Career Night

I remember back when I was searching for a “real” job---you know, the kind with health care and benefits people in Europe take for granted (along with leaving their babies outside of restaurants while they eat in peace). My mother had always said, “Somebody has quit, retired, died or got fired since yesterday.” In other words, keep trying. However, I wasn’t too worried until the day she told me, “I don’t want anyone to die, but you need a job.” Imagining my mother wearing one of those hideous orange jumpsuits because she committed some unspeakable crime to land me my dream job was enough to intensify my search…

That, and staying home with children was driving me crazy.

If you’ve never stayed home with children, your own or others, I advise against it unless you have the patience of Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy, enjoy wearing splattered clothes, eating chicken crackers, chicken fingers, and chicken noodle soup daily, fishing toys (and jewelry) out of the toilet, carrying on bizarre conversations, or watching the same DVD for hours (months) on end. Using your remote to block out all the horrible children's programming only goes so far in reserving your sanity. The day I repeatedly told everyone, “He said banana! Can you say banana? Banana! Say banana! You’re such a good boy!” was the day I applied to graduate school.

But for those of you who aren’t looking forward to five figures in student loans, the Sacramento Bee, the Sacramento Public Library, UC Davis Extension, and SETA presents Sacramento Career Night: Resources to Help you Stand out from the Crowd. Enjoy a free session that will help you land a job, create an effective resume, switch careers, stand out from other candidates, and find career success in today’s job market!

This event starts at 5 pm in the Library Galleria. Parking in the Library Garage (off of J St. between 8th and 9th streets) will be available for $5.

We hope to see you there!

Fright Night

I love Halloween. It has pretty colors, you can dress up, it has great movies, and unlike other holidays, there’s no awkward moments with relatives, or plastering on a present face after the cousin you gave a KitchenAid Mixer to gifts you a Chia Pet shaped like the president’s head. And there’s no turkey to cook! After last year’s incident in which I was forced to transfer the turkey to a Macy’s bag at 3 a.m. on Christmas morning when I realized I hadn’t removed the plastic giblet bag from its frozen carcass, I’m pretty sure I won’t be placed on poultry duty this year…

But people are lazy, so you never know.

Still, Halloween has its drawbacks. Finding a costume can be a real pain. For those of you who haven’t had your laugh for the day, Google “modest adult female Halloween costume” and see what pops up. Apparently modest means choosing between mid drift clothing or a nun’s habit. Then there’s the logistics of it all. Thus I’ll give people a few tips on how to approach Halloween.

1. Go easy on the vampires, okay?
Yes, we get it. You’re enthralled with vampires. They’re mysterious…just like the contents of that Tupperware container in my vegetable bin. I, too, like vampires, hence the Lynsay Sands and Sherrilyn Kenyon novels in my personal collection. However, living forever on a disintegrating planet doesn’t appeal to many of us non-Twilight mania people. Plus, as a children’s librarian, when I hear about a 100 year-old man obsessed with a 17 year-old girl, I don’t think, “How romantic!” I think, “Pedophile!” So enough with the vampires already. We realize adding plastic teeth to your already black wardrobe makes for a cheap costume, but you might want to check with your friends first. No one needs to see 20 Edward wannabes at a single party.

2. Remember, it’s cold outside.
The average women’s Halloween costume is skimpier than my college cheerleading outfit. I’m not bringing up college cheerleading because a class reunion is staring me in the face and I realize I need to lose 10 (or 20) pounds, get my teeth whitened, and make $50,000 more per year within the next few months in order to compete with my former teammate (or with their Facebook profiles). I’m saying this because we were freakin’ cold! At least in high school they allowed us to be fully “clothed” i.e., an outfit with a real sweater. Should you mistakenly purchase the scrap of clothing retailers call a costume, add some leggings. And a turtleneck. Maybe a scarf…

3. You may play some Michael Jackson music.
Sometimes I forget Michael Jackson has passed away. Then I hear the Billy Jean ring tone on someone’s cell phone and I’m reminded all over again. Usually, when musicians you’ve never met pass away and you start listening to music you hadn’t played in x number of years, I would give you four weeks before screaming, “Enough!” But there’s the Thriller album to consider, a perennial favorite come October, so I’ll let it slide if you throw in a few songs. That being said, unless you want your iPod docking station thrown into the bond fire, don’t scroll to his name and hit play. It’s Halloween, not an MJ tribute.

We’ll save that for the American Music Awards.

4. Don’t go completely disgusting.
Have you seen Extreme Halloween? It’s really cool. The projects are akin to taking the kitty litter cake to the nth degree of grossness. There are a few things in there that are doable. However, if you make food which is too gross, no one is going to eat it. You’d be better off setting out a platter of wheat germ. Everyone’s going to stare at the dish you spent $25 and six hours of your time creating and pass it right by. If you make the house too scary, no one’s going to knock on your door and you’ll have a bucket of candy to eat all by yourself. This may seem great (“Mine! Mine! All mine!”) until mid-November hits and you realize you have 10 pounds of Halloween candy left, and since it’s covered in pumpkins and ghosts, you can’t foist it off on others.

5. Come to the library for ideas and programs.
We’re free. Which means a lot in this economy. Central Library is hosting Trick or Treat @ Your Library on Sunday, October 25th at 1 pm. Families, children and teens are invited to put on a costume, park their cars on the street (it’s free on Sundays), and join us for stories, crafts, trick or treating, Rock Band and snacks. I promise not to make anything gross---when it comes to baking, I’m more Martha Stewart than I am mad scientist. (Plus I’m not willing to put one of my nice baking pans at risk.) For those with itty-bitty-teeny-tiny babies, we have the Baby Boos and Ghouls Lapsit Storytime on Saturday, October 31st at 10 am. Costumes are optional, and parking is free at the 10th and I Street and 10th and L Street city parking garages.

Where the Wild Critters Are

As previously discussed, there are only three animals I truly like: bunnies, doggies and kitties. Bunnies are fluffy, kittens are cute, and doggies are cute, sweet, plus they’re actually happy to see you, unlike cats, who think humans were put on this earth to be their servants. But, as someone pointed out to me, no one wants to see a library program on bunnies, doggies and kitties. Correction: no one but I would want to see such a program. Thus on Sunday, September 20th, we hosted Nature's Critters, a local group which presented Where the Wild Critters Are. Julie Allen brought in animals from different habitats: salamanders, hedgehogs, chinchillas and more. The children especially liked the snake, which was extremely lucky to have been born in captivity---she was missing a pigment which would have made her easy to spot in the wild. Adults cringed as the snake came near, but the children were more than happy to wear the snake around their necks.

As for me, I’m okay with animal…in print form. I don’t know about you, but mock croc and faux snakeskin are as close as I need to be to the real things.

Patrick Swayze, 1952-2009

Who could ever forget the movie Dirty Dancing? Certainly not the men who were forced by their fiancees to learn the famous dance sequence and perform it at their wedding receptions. Yet even if you never had to take your two left feet and perform a graceful pirouette, you probably still remember the movie, or at least the line, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.” Patrick Swayze was not the actor originally picked to play Johnny Castle. Billy Zane was slated for the role, until it became apparent that Zane could not dance. Swayze had trained at Harkness Ballet and Joffrey Ballet schools. Dirty Dancing, a movie which was supposed to go to theaters for one weekend before heading to video, catapulted Swayze into the spotlight.

However, maybe dancing wasn’t your thing. There was Point Break, which had Swayze play a surfer/felon who robbed banks while wearing a Richard Nixon mask. There were other movies, shows, and animated features, but it was likely Ghost which the public will best remember Swayze. Ghost had it all---action, comedy, and an early scene which made throwing a ceramic pot downright romantic. It was a sad story, but one about second chances, and why you should tell people you love them instead of just “Ditto.” And it makes you ask yourself, what would you do if you had another chance to do something good?

11 Birthdays by Wendy Mass

Imagine living the same day over and over (and over) again. I know what some of you are thinking: “But this already describes my existence to a T! My life is completely banal, and most days are completely filled with mundane tasks such as folding laundry, bill paying, determining why the garbage disposal doesn’t work, and pretending to pay attention at PTA meetings. Would some please help me??!!” If this is you, please see our travel section in Central Express. But for those of you who do not need an intervention, imagine the confusion of having to repeat the same day again and again…

Now imagine you’re only 11 years old.

How confusing is that?

Amanda and Leo used to be close friends who always shared their birthdays together. But after a falling out at their tenth birthday party, the two haven’t spoken, let alone planned another joint venture. Amanda had accepted they would be celebrating their birthdays separately from now on. What she wasn’t prepared for was repeatedly living the day (and having to see her sister wearing the same stupid shirt over and over!) Will Amanda ever see her 12th birthday? 11 Birthdays by Wendy Mass is a good book for children and for adults who need a cute and quick read.

Farmers’ Market Book Sale

In general, I try to stay away from the Farmers’ Market. When I do go I either end up feasting on large bags of kettle corn, buying Chinese food I really didn’t need, or I somehow find myself straddled with carrying ten pounds of produce onto public transportation. (Trust me, you don’t want to try this.)

But there’s something else you can pick up at the Farmer’s Market that will neither add to your saddlebags nor way you down too much.

Books.

Come to Cesar Chavez Park on Wednesdays from 10 am - 2 pm to view a wide selection of books at unbeatable prices. Even if you don't buy anything, isn't it worth the trip just to see the shiny, happy people selling books?

Michael Jackson, 1958-2009

Usually I don't do library work at home (okay, that's a lie) but I couldn't wait two days to discuss the passing of Michael Jackson.



I wasn't born during the time of Farrah Fawcett's heyday (though I do think I may have sported that hairdo when it came back in style, and we were upset about her passing). I was too young to stay up to watch Ed McMahon (though I've mentioned him in this blog before). But Michael Jackson...

I remember the first time he did the Moonwalk. I'm certain somewhere in my garage is the tape of it on Beta Max. The crowd went completely nuts. There was an encounter with him in the early 80s in which I could have sworn my sister April actually tapped him on the shoulder. Then there was Thriller. I was both fascinated and terrified of that video. I remember watching the making of it, with John Landis and Michael going over choreography and camera angles. When I went to Chicago for summer vacation there were tons of people sporting the red and black jacket. I even used to have this poster of him up on my wall. He was in a white shirt with a soft yellow vest, and, of course, he had on the glove. I had the little glove charm I wore around my neck. Sometimes I thought Michael Jackson was a little nutty. Sometimes I knew it as a fact. But something I never doubted was his talent. He could sing, he could dance, he could entertain. He was a true showman, whether he was performing at sold out concerts or in front of the world at halftime for the Super Bowl.

He was truly the King of Pop.

Got Work?

On Wednesday, May 6th, the Central Library held its first ever job fair, and it was a success! Fourteen different groups arrived, offering volunteer opportunities, training, and (best of all) jobs. Yes, there really are people hiring, even in the current economy. In fact, Sacramento START needs to fill positions at 64 sites. (So if you like children...)

Attendees included Macy's, Sacramento START, California Highway Patrol, Sacramento Police Department, Prepaid Legal, SETA, American River College, California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation and California Conservation Corps. Look for more information on employers to come!

A Sacramento Job Fair

Looking for a job?

Central Library is here to help!

We are hosting the following event:

Sacramento Career and

Vocational Fair

Wednesday, May 6th

from 11 am to 2 pm

Lots of groups are coming out, including the Sacramento Sheriff's Department, American River College, California Conservation Corps, California Highway Patrol, Elk Grove Police Department, Labor Ready, Macy’s, Sacramento Employment and Training Agency, Sacramento Fire Department, Sacramento Job Corps, Sacramento Police Department, Sacramento START, and more!

Some groups are hiring for the summer; others are offering training (some of it paid training, my favorite kind) and one group, hands on Sacramento, is looking for volunteers. Come on down if you are interested, and dress for the job you want.

Politically Incorrect Movies: Blazing Saddles

I have a confession to make.

Every time I’m having a really bad day, I typically do one of two things: I go to YouTube and type in puppies or kittens (sometimes I type in puppies and kittens), or I watch my favorite scene from Blazing Saddles. If you haven’t seen Mel Brooks and Cleavon Little in Blazing Saddles, you’re really missing something. They could never, ever, ever (ever!) make this movie again---at least not on this planet. The reasons why they could never make it again are obvious five minutes into the film, but it doesn’t stop me from watching Madeline Kahn perform “I’m Tired.” The first time I saw this scene I about fell out of my chair. The voice, the outfit, those unbelievable lyrics! (“I’m not a wabbit! I need some weeeeesssst.”) They just lift my spirits. Because no matter how tired I am, I will never be that tired!

Children’s Books for Adults: The True Meaning of Smekday

Usually I don’t take children’s books home to read---I typically stick to reading unrealistic novels and depressing works of non-fiction in my spare time. But The True Meaning of Smekday by Adam Rex kept staring at me, and when a school librarian explained it was flat our hilarious, I finally checked it out.

You have to read this book!

Twelve-year old Gratuity “Tip” Tucci was given the same essay assignment as everyone else:
“Write an essay entitled The True Meaning of Smekday. What is the Smekday holiday? How has it changed in the year since the aliens left? You may use your own personal experiences from the alien invasion to make your points.”

While the alien invasion was an exciting time for every American who was forced to relocate to Florida via rocketpod, it was especially exciting to Gratuity, who decided she’d rather drive to Florida by herself. After all, she’d been driving herself (badly and at night) ever since her mother was abducted by the Boov, as the aliens called themselves. So with her cat, Pig, and a car full of junk food, she heads out of town, figuring, what else could go wrong on Planet Earth/the colony known as Smekland?

Answer: lots!

Teen Books for Adults: Blankets by Craig Thompson

When someone first recommended Blankets to me I was pretty skeptical. The cover notes it’s “an illustrated novel by Craig Thompson,” which, to me, meant one thing:

It was a picture book masquerading as a novel.

Come on, I know I’m not the only one who looked at the comic books and graphic novel section and thought all the books in that category read like Dr. Seuss, only with racier pictures. I scoffed at the thought that a novel with that many illustrations could be thoughtful, insightful, and at sometimes be so painful I felt as if I had snatched someone’s diary and was secretly reading it under the blankets with a flashlight. A graphic novel should not feel so honest and raw, yet it resonated through me in an unsettling manner that still hits me every time I pick it up. A seemingly long book (582 pages) you will not put it down until it’s finished, and even then you will flip through the acknowledgements, hoping for just a little more.