Resolutions 2.010

Practically speaking, the most wonderful time of the year is not Christmas: it’s December 26-31. Christmas is over, the relatives have (thankfully) left, the after Christmas clearance bliss has begun , and New Years is right around the corner. New Year’s Day requires no planning whatsoever. You either go to some sort of religious ceremony which involves candle lighting (nothing says Happy New Year quite like accidentally setting something on fire!) or you buy alcohol and order pizza/Chinese food.

I prefer Chinese.

But somewhere around your 80th chicken pot sticker/12th slice of pizza, you remember something. Something nagging at the back of your brain…

It’s time for your resolutions.

Didn’t you say something about losing weight last year? And weren’t you supposed to stop smoking years ago when they made it practically illegal to smoke unless it was in your closet, and that was only if you owned your home outright?

How depressing.

For those of you who need a little push in the right direction, check out our display in Central Express. Need to get organized? (I’ve been told shoving everything into a sack and tossing it into a closet doesn’t count, but that's never stopped me from getting out the Glad bags.) Pick up a book on straightening up your house for good. Want to burn off some extra calories? Grab an exercise video. Or maybe you just need to pick up a good book because you swore you would read a book in 2010 that didn’t feature vampires.

Believe it or not, we do have such books on the shelf. So feel free to borrow a few.

Happy New Year!

I'm Thankful for Cake Box Mixes

Here is my two-cents on how main chefs/chief bottle washers/indentured servants can get through Thanksgiving unscathed: Don’t cook.

Cooking for the holidays is overrated. Whenever I hear someone say, “Oh, I love home cooked meals!” I translate it to mean, “Oh, I love when someone else cooks while I watch football and pretend to be too tired from eating to do anything that might resemble actual work!” Last year, after being drafted to cook the turkey at the last minute, I found myself still up at 3 am, said turkey transferred to an oversized plastic Macy’s bag as I tried to pry the neck out of the frozen carcass to get to the giblet package. Meanwhile my (useless) teenage nephew proclaimed from the family room, “I’ve never heard you curse before!”

Sometimes it’s all I can do not to brain someone with a can of cranberry sauce.

This year I decided to do something low key. I asked to dine at a restaurant, followed by dessert at our house. The way my relatives reacted one would have thought I’d asked if I could serve popsicles for dinner. They revolted. In turn, I refused to cook anything big. I don’t care how much food I have sitting around the house; it’s not like the Keebler Elves are showing up to put everything together. Someone asked, “Aren’t you going to use your apples to make apple pie?” To which I responded, “Why would I do that?” Let me see, I could buy two Mrs. Smith’s apple crumb pies for $7 or I could spend four hours and $15 in extra ingredients to make something from scratch. Gee, my poor brain is simply overwhelmed figuring out which one I’m going to do…
To please everyone, I’m bringing an apple crumb pie (the other will never make it out of the kitchen) along with an easy to fix yet highly impressive semi-homemade item. I love Sandra Lee, and it’s not just because she insists on having cocktail time even when she’s setting up a kids’ party. It’s because she also doesn’t see a reason to be chained in a kitchen. Another favorite of mine is Anne Byrn, the author of the Cake Mix Doctor series. Take a regular cake mix, throw in something you already have in your pantry, and presto! Instant good impression. Remember, if it takes more than 15 minutes to throw a dish together, it’s probably not worth the bother. Should it be too late to check out a library book, go to All Recipes for shortcut ideas. So for those of you who normally cook, take a break this year. If someone complains, offer to make them toast and popcorn the next time around.

Witnessing History from the Nosebleed Section

Do you know what the true Audacity of Hope is? It’s deciding around the middle of January that you’re going to the Obama inauguration and thinking you’re going to find a flight and a hotel. Yet during one break I looked over at my co-worker, and announced, “I think I should go to the inauguration,” in about the same manner I usually say, “I think I’ll have Chinese food for lunch.”

But really, I had to go the inauguration---it was on my life to do list, sandwiched between #5. Buy a house and #7. Marry a “qualified” hot rich guy. Though I plan to attend the 2012 inauguration in style---flying to D.C. in my corporate jet and attending balls in designer gowns---something awful might happen to prevent me from going, and then I would have missed not just the historic swearing in of the first black president, but a really great party the second time around. Thus I made (hastily threw together) arrangements, and when I arrived at SFO I found out I was not the only wishful thinker…

There were fifty standby passengers.

Only about half made it onto the flight.

The trip was totally awesome.

So much happened that day, I can’t even begin to describe it. And I really don’t need to---I took tons of pictures yet still not enough. However, I do have one request for President Obama for the next swearing in ceremony:

Can we have the 2012 inauguration in Hawaii? It was freakin’ cold!!!

Last Chance to view the Freedom Sisters Exhibit!

We know you're busy. It's the holidays. Some of you are out shopping for gifts; others are baking and making presents. And then others are too busy praying for a miracle to come into our library and see the most awesome exhibit we've ever had. But the Freedom Sisters Exhibit is almost over. Sunday, January 4th is its last day on display. To me this exhibit is way more important than making peanut brittle for your second cousin in Des Moines. In fact, taking someone to the exhibit is a gift unto itself. How about instead of baking for your relatives you take them to see the interactive display? Not only will they thank you for the once in a lifetime experience, that's a few less workouts they'll have to do after the holidays because they weren't at home gorging on brownies. So what are you waiting for? The exhibit is available during Central's normal operating hours.

Last Chance to Vote!

Need I say more?

Apparently, yes, because there are some people who aren't going to vote because they are still undecided. Though this election cycle officially started around the Nixon administration, they are lost as to what to do. Last night visions of undecided voters danced in my head and all I could think of is this burning question:

Do undecided people eat?

Seriously, do these people eat? Are they able to pick up a menu and decide what they want? Or do they sit staring at the menu their entire lunch period because they can't chose between chicken teriyaki and beef stroganoff? Is it really that hard? Because our political choices look kind of like the menu board at In-N-Out: Do you want a soda or a shake? Cheese or no cheese?

And how can you live with an undecided person? One time in CostCo I watched a woman call her husband because she couldn't decide which detergent to buy. I wanted to yell, "Get the cheapest one with the nicest smell and leave the poor man alone!" But I didn't do that, though had I done so, her husband might have decided to divorce her and marry me on the spot. Thus, by keeping my mouth closed, I saved her marriage. (Considering she likely lives a better life than me, I sometimes question this decision.)

Look, I realize life is confusing, but it's important to make decisions about the place you live in. They're even bribing us with free coffee! So even if you don't care about democracy or where we live, or if 14 year-olds should be tried as adults, at least care enough about caffeine to get out there and pick someone!

You have until 8 pm.